Archive for the ‘fabrications’ Category

The Effects of Loss of Internet

April 15, 2008 Leave a comment

So long about Thursday our cable company cut our internet service. So I had to spend the next 4 days with no internet. At all. This was a new experience for me. Luckily, I could cope by having “real” interaction with “real” people. But there were some parts of the weekend that I didn’t really have anything to do. So yesterday I did something that I wouldn’t necessarily call shameful, but it’s still kinda sad.

I watched every Britney Spears video I have on my computer. Of which there are many. But, in watching every one of the horribly slick, extremely exploitative piece of fluff, I realized something. What that is, I will get to. First, though, a short comment on Ms. Spears.

Hundreds of millions of words (I’m sure) have been written about how psychotic she is, or how fragile, or whatever, and that’s not what I want to talk about. Honestly, I could care less about her public image, or her mental state, or any of that shit that the “normal” press that keeps printing and broadcasting and posting. That’s not what I’m on about.

What I’m on about is that every single person in each one of her videos (aside from that shmoe in the “Oops… I Did It Again” video) is more talented at everything she tries to do than she is. The dancers, the choreographers, everyone. So what I have to assume is that she is an ENTIRE fabrication. How it works is like this:

  1. Find a moderately attractive girl who is okay with being shoved around her entire life.
  2. Find someone to write some treacly pop hits.
  3. Find a black woman to sing said hits for said girl to overdub over later.
  4. Find good publicist, makeup artist, costumer, and dozens of other support personnel.
  5. Rake in cash.

Notice the “have a meltdown and become a tramp” is not one of those steps.

So what, right?

It could be anyone. Britney Spears is just a girl that got an empire built around her because she was willing to do anything, but wasn’t prepared for the consequences. So prepare properly, and you, too, can be Britney Spears. It’s not that hard. They’ve been doing it for decades.